The Barre Bro Gets (Slightly) Serious Talkin ‘Bout Cultural Appropriation

Callie is away this weekend, which makes the barre bro sad. But, no Callie means there’s no one to stop me from cooking/eating whatever I want! Especially because last weekend, I did the tuck University City double (barre followed by barre bounce), and I have yet to “spend” the calories I burned that day on any extra meals this week. Doing back to backs isn’t normally a barre bro thing, but I did my best (ended up quitting with 10 minutes left in the barre class).

It was a fun pair of classes with lots of regulars, and this jerk of a teacher showing off for the camera. Continue reading “The Barre Bro Gets (Slightly) Serious Talkin ‘Bout Cultural Appropriation”

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The Barre Bro Babysits Some Barre Babes (And Meal Preps Too)

Sunday means meal prepping, so let’s get this party started! Above is a $55 haul from HMart. This post is dedicated to Rachelle, who bought me a bangin new cutting board. Continue reading “The Barre Bro Babysits Some Barre Babes (And Meal Preps Too)”

How to Feed a Barre Teacher Who Wants Bibimbap Three Times a Week, aka, The Barre Bro’s Sunday Meal Prep

Callie’s as good at cooking as the barre bro is at dieting. So, she sucks at it. But, she needs to eat! A lot. And since I can cook a little bit, we’ve started playing this game called “Married Life” where Callie says, “I’m hungry!” whenever she’s hungry. And I’m supposed to respond with, “What do you want?” And then Callie just… orders something, whatever comes to her mind, as if I know how to cook all 874 items on The Cheesecake Factory’s menu.

The Barre Bro’s wife doesn’t eat quite as many calories as Michael Phelps does, but she’s not far behind. With multiple days a week where she teaches doubles (and sometimes even triples), it’s important for the barre bro to keep his wife fed. Mostly because she doesn’t really know how to feed herself.

Unlike the barre bro, who is always thinking at least three meals in advance, Callie lives in the present and doesn’t even think a single meal ahead. If she suddenly gets a hunger pang while in the car, she’ll grab the nearest edible item, and suddenly she’s having an entire pack of tic tac breath mints for lunch. Or, if that hunger pang happens to occur in a candy store, she’ll stuff her face with 2 lbs. of rolos. None of which is conducive to fueling her athlete-level energy expenditure. So, I started meal prepping for her on Sundays! And this past Sunday, I took some pictures to document the process. Warning: this post will have, like, fifty pictures.

Continue reading “How to Feed a Barre Teacher Who Wants Bibimbap Three Times a Week, aka, The Barre Bro’s Sunday Meal Prep”

The Dark S[l]ide of Barre

If there was a tuck hall of fame, Elise would be the first inductee. Back when we first opened tuck in March 2017, we had a shortage of barre teachers and Callie was teaching 7-8 classes per week while working as a first-year associate at her law firm – not sustainable. Meanwhile, Elise was one of our first members and was happily taking Callie’s class 7-8 times a week, while also doing Crossfit. Neither of those two things is normal.

I guess game recognizes game, because Callie soon offered to train Elise to teach barre, making her tuck’s first-ever homegrown barre teacher. What Callie-wan Kenobi did not recognize then was that Elise had a dark side, and once Elise found her groove, she fully embraced the dark side of the barre.

Enter these fucking things. Those black discs that Elise is making Mickey Mouse ears out of are called sliders. Which, if you think about it, is really fucked up, because real sliders are awesome. Continue reading “The Dark S[l]ide of Barre”

The Barre Bro Goes 1v1 Against Molly Misery

The day job’s been busy lately so I haven’t had much time to work out, but work finally slowed down this week so I could take real lunch breaks again. At the same time, this bro somehow managed to gain 8 lbs. between Saturday and Tuesday, which means it’s time to get back at it. I knew it would be a mistake to jump right back into barre because, in a cruel twist of irony, barre uses a lot of body weight exercises, meaning that extra 8 lbs. would make any barre class I went to much harder than it was 8 lbs. ago.

I did manage to go low carb on some free sandwiches at work yesterday, but that didn’t move the needle on the scale that night so I decided to do a double yoga day, with Callie’s 6am in the morning, and Molly’s 11:45am yoga sculpt. First, let me say that I hate the word combination “yoga sculpt.” At best, it’s a shitty fusion – yoga, something that in my mind should be a nice, relaxing, non-challenging, non-sweating stretching affair, combined with sculpting, which is something that happens in sweaty weight rooms. At worst, it’s an oxymoron, kind of like “salad buffet” or “clean coal.” But hey, at least it’s not barre, right? Continue reading “The Barre Bro Goes 1v1 Against Molly Misery”

Core Barre with Cassie

I woke up naturally this morning at 5:25am – I tried to watch The Mummy on Netflix, but Callie grumbled something about turning the sound down, and The Mummy is just not a low-volume subtitle type of movie. So, I decided to go to Cassie’s barre class instead. Cassmagrass is a tuck OG – she was with us from almost the moment we opened, and she was part of the very first class of clients that took barre teacher training and then started teaching for us.

Here she is rocking out, wearing some Pure Barre gear ironically, kind of the way Netflix employees wear Blockbuster Video t-shirts as a joke. Since taking her barre workouts to a new level at tuck, she hasn’t been back to Pure Barre. At this point, she could be in a coma and still make it through a Pure Barre workout. Continue reading “Core Barre with Cassie”

Spying on Teacher Training, Thai Yoga Massage Workshop

It snowed last week. Outside tuck 2, we usually have a sidewalk sign with some sale advertised, or just “barre & yoga” written on it. It was cold and I thought I was being clever, but Callie didn’t like my pun.

A few weekends ago, I got the chance to spy on a barre teacher training while waiting to go to a Sixers game. What I witnessed confirmed what I had always suspected – the lies spewing from the mouths of barre teachers are planned, intentional, and entirely pre-meditated. Here are some things I overheard: Continue reading “Spying on Teacher Training, Thai Yoga Massage Workshop”