The Barre Bro Goes to the Be Well Philly Boot Camp 2019

The barre bro may not be very good at barre, but he’s excellent at sitting at tables. He actually sits at a desk professionally. So when tuck barre & yoga decided to participate in Phillymag’s Be Well Philly Boot Camp 2019 and needed someone to table, they turned to the most accomplished desk-sitter on the tuck roster to represent the tuck team – yours truly.

Now when you’re really, really, ridiculously good at something, it’s impolite to show off too much and make others look bad, so here I am in tadasana, also known as standing mountain pose. Most yoga pose names make zero sense, but tadasana makes perfect sense because you’re standing straight up like, “ta da!”

I’m not usually one to toot my own horn, but I was truly in my element at this event. Most of the people in attendance thought they were killing it if they went to one or two 60-minute classes. But what the barre bro accomplished was truly not for the feint of heart – for 4 straight uninterrupted hours, I alternated between circuits of high intensity standing and chair-assisted utkatasana. Meanwhile, my slacker wife Callie taught some barre class that didn’t even last an hour. I mean, they weren’t even standing up! Here they are all laying down in Netflix pose with a glorified rubber band around their legs.

And once their left sides got tired of resting on the ground too much, they rolled over and laid down flat on their backs. I’m like, so impressed you guys. Is this barre class or slumbarreing class? Oh no, this studio comes with exercise bikes that might actually make us sweat, better move all of those to the corner where they’ll be completely useless.

The event itself was a lot of fun – there was a pretty cool looking class with drum sticks that I wanted to try, and also a “silent” class where everyone was wearing headphones. The class itself looked way too intense for me, but the headphones made it look futuristic AF.

We also unexpectedly ran into a lot of the tuck family! The only downside to the event? The lunch was nonsense – they had maybe eight different choices, all of them salads! WTF Phillymag? You can do gluten free, vegetarian, vegan options, but you can’t do veggie-free? With the amount of calories being burned at the event, would it kill you to have a hot dog stand or two? Maybe a funnel cake stand?

In other news, tuck 3 at 7th and South St. is coming along nicely – we should be open by July 4th!

Sunday night, some of our barre teachers got together to trade ideas for new exercises and torture techniques. I was mostly in the other room playing Tetris, but I couldn’t help but overhear some ridiculous things. The conversations that occur when you get a group of barre teachers is just ridiculous. “Oh yeah, and then you can add ankle weights to make it worse!” “Kate, teach them all that dumbass slider routine! I’m not doing it because I just did it last weekend, but make everyone else do it!” “Yes! Yes! Oh my god that one hurts so bad, make sure you put them in bridge first to make it worse!” It honestly sounds more like a dominatrix convention than a group of exercise instructors.

We also recently came up with a whole new type of yoga class with weighted blankets that we’re calling The Gravity Method – it’s amazing for relaxation, relieving anxiety, and also getting a good night’s sleep.

As always, make sure to fall asleep to a good movie to make sure you have pleasant dreams!

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