Why I Hate My Wife’s Classes

Hello friends! Long time. I’ve been busy with a Russian squat routine that isn’t very compatible with barre.

But, I haven’t neglected yoga! And I’d like to share why, precisely, I HATE my wife’s classes.

Two words: FAKE EMPATHY. She does this in yoga, and she reaaallly does it in barre.

What do I mean? Next time you’re in a barre class and you hear Callie says, “Ugh, I know it sucks guys…we’re almost done” just remember, she’s the one making it suck! She’s trying to be empathetic, but she might as well be Daenerys Targaryen riding a dragon telling her enemies, “I know it’s warm guys…you’re almost well done”

What’s even worse is when she makes fake effort sounds. We all know barre is tough. If you’ve ever taken a class with Molly, you know she makes involuntary sounds of suffering all the time. But sometimes, Callie will fake these exact same sounds… when she’s not even doing the exercise with you guys! Seriously, keep an eye on her next time she makes one of these fake sounds of effort. She’s usually just walking around the room, exuding fake empathy.

Recently, I’ve noticed she does it in yoga too! We’ll be in some uncomfortable position that shreds your hamstrings like spiralized zucchini, and she’ll let out an “Ughh….” but when I look over, she’s actually on her phone ordering sweet potato fries from Grubhub.

Not only that, she trains our teachers to fake it too! Here she is telling them, “Make them believe you’re right there with them! Even if you’re not!”

Continue reading “Why I Hate My Wife’s Classes”

The Barre Bro Announces a Yoga Workshop!

The Barre Bro isn’t a licensed yoga teacher, but that doesn’t mean he’s not qualified to teach a workshop, especially in a niche aspect of yoga that almost everyone struggles with, but for various reasons, few people talk about. So what is this aspect of yoga? Yogas. Not pronounced like the plural of yoga, but pronounced like “yo, gas” and referring to the fact that almost everyone experiences gas during a yoga class.

Now the barre bro’s been moving to a more plant-based diet and broccoli and cabbage are two of his favorite vegetables. Unfortunately for his wife, this healthier diet, while good for almost everything else in life, is quite bad for the olfactory senses at the Kim house.┬áTo make matters even worse, the barre bro likes to down a 32 oz. Big Gulp diet coke before most of his morning yoga classes (which, a bit unfairly, draws some side-eyes – hey, you have your coffee, I have my diet coke).

All of these factors have made the barre bro a veritable expert in holding in gas during yoga classes. He may in fact be the first master trainer in the yoga world at dealing with yogas. So, not wanting to selfishly hoard this valuable knowledge to himself, the barre bro has decided to run a Yogas Workshop so he can share his expertise with the wider world! Here is a little preview of what you can look forward to in the workshop (get ready for some serious science).

Continue reading “The Barre Bro Announces a Yoga Workshop!”

Chernobyl Kate opens tuck 4 in NoLibs, The Barre Bro Writes an eBook

Chernobyl Kate is opening tuck 4 in Northern Liberties sometime in the fall of 2019, so keep an eye out!

Why hasn’t the barre bro been posting as often, you ask? Because he’s been writing something else!

This blog was basically the barre bro writing down what his wife’s classes were like – now you can read about the small business side of the whole tuck journey so you can open your own fitness studio!

the barre bro’s ebook

The Barre Bro Gets Into the Nightclub Business

The barre bro recently had a realization – he has access to large, open spaces with built-in dance floors and great sound systems. Sure, these spaces are currently used for barre and yoga classes, but why stop there? Also, our clientele tends to skew towards white girls who like to dance but don’t necessarily dance… well, see for yourself.

So, why not open a nightclub where our teachers and clients can practice their dance moves?!? Enter tuck 3, aka tuck barre & yoga Washington Square West.

First things first – everyone knows, no nightclub is complete without an imposing, unmarked steel door behind an intimidating steel grate on a random side street located on 7th street between South St. and Lombard St. Continue reading “The Barre Bro Gets Into the Nightclub Business”

The Barre Bro Takes the “Best” Barre Class in Philly

Hi! Meet Kate. Kate is one of our barre teachers. She’s also the reigning Tuck Nintendo Just Dance Champion 2019, having vanquished Meg, and Ann in the annual dance-off fourteen straight songs in a row. (Meg’s appeal is still under review).

When we first opened tuck, we had a really hard time finding good barre teachers. We must have auditioned over fifty barre teachers during our first year of operation, and we hired… two. This is a big part of the reason why Callie started doing barre teacher trainings – we had such a shortage of great barre teachers that Callie decided to start training them herself. Continue reading “The Barre Bro Takes the “Best” Barre Class in Philly”

The Barre Bro’s Favorite Class at tuck barre & yoga

The barre bro has exactly one favorite class at tuck barre & yoga, and it’s FreeBuild Flow (FBF) with Megan.

What exactly is FreeBuild Flow? Well, it’s not what it sounds like, because it kind of sounds like we’ll be playing with lego blocks or something while doing yoga.

It’s impossible to succinctly describe what this class is, because there is so much involved. It’s part-vinyasa yoga, part-being a little kid and swinging your arms around like you just don’t care, and part-being a back up dancer to Beyonce, all with plenty of cardio, feel-good stretches and twists, and plyometrics, all set to some bangin’ beats. Continue reading “The Barre Bro’s Favorite Class at tuck barre & yoga”

The Barre Bro Goes to the Be Well Philly Boot Camp 2019

The barre bro may not be very good at barre, but he’s excellent at sitting at tables. He actually sits at a desk professionally. So when tuck barre & yoga decided to participate in Phillymag’s Be Well Philly Boot Camp 2019 and needed someone to table, they turned to the most accomplished desk-sitter on the tuck roster to represent the tuck team – yours truly.

Now when you’re really, really, ridiculously good at something, it’s impolite to show off too much and make others look bad, so here I am in tadasana, also known as standing mountain pose. Most yoga pose names make zero sense, but tadasana makes perfect sense because you’re standing straight up like, “ta da!”

I’m not usually one to toot my own horn, but I was truly in my element at this event. Most of the people in attendance thought they were killing it if they went to one or two 60-minute classes. But what the barre bro accomplished was truly not for the feint of heart – for 4 straight uninterrupted hours, I alternated between circuits of high intensity standing and chair-assisted utkatasana. Meanwhile, my slacker wife Callie taught some barre class that didn’t even last an hour. I mean, they weren’t even standing up! Here they are all laying down in Netflix pose with a glorified rubber band around their legs. Continue reading “The Barre Bro Goes to the Be Well Philly Boot Camp 2019”